this is me in the morning
ok, friends. this is me. this is what i look like in the morning. it's not pretty, but it's REAL.
last night when i was hanging out with my group of pattern-designer friends, i had a conversation with my pal michelle, a fellow freelancer and artist, about how we're feeling sort-of disillusioned with blogland lately. don't get me wrong, i *love* you guys and i love being a part of this incredible community, but it's all starting to feel a bit too...... perfect. do you know what i mean? it seems that much of the time as i'm scrolling blogs i end up feeling "less than" and like i don't look right or have the right stuff, and like everyone else really has it together and figured out, while i, on the other hand, am a MESS.
now, i don't really think i'm a mess (i'm being dramatic!), but i have noticed that i've been comparing myself so much to other artists/blog writers/creative people lately, and then beating myself up for not being perfect, like i assume everyone else is. it's easy for me to forget that it's just real people behind these internet facades, with real lives and real imperfections, just like me. sometimes it's sort-of paralyzing, and stops me from doing something before i even start because i'm sure it won't measure up. that's a lot of pressure to put on myself.
and it seems that i'm sensing this general feeling all over the internet right now. i really started to pay attention to it the other day when i read cindy's post on quaint handmade called ugly lives here, too, where she said our blogs sometimes get "a little bit too antiseptic" i couldn't agree more. also jena's post on modish biz tips called when you feel like you just don't measure up is along these same lines.
so michelle and i made a pact to post on each of our blogs today what we really look like in the morning. not in flattering light, not photoshopped, not anything. just as is. so this is me. (notice my crooked glasses? that's because my kitty knocked them on the floor the other night and then i stepped on them in the morning and had to bend them back to shape. yep.)
it's easy to try to make everything look just so, because of course that's the way we want to be perceived professionally, but sheesh! it feels overwhelming, when i look at all these people that look like they're "really making it" and comparing myself to them, when i'm sure they all have their people they're looking at and thinking the very same thing. not that i don't wish success and satisfaction for people, because of course, i absolutely do! i'm just wondering lately how i can exist and participate in this community, but without the constant comparing and feelings of not being good enough or doing enough?
so, that's all. i don't mean to put a damper on your morning, and i certainly don't expect you all to have the same experience of the blogging world right now. and it definitely doesn't mean i'm not happy, because i am. i just wanted to share, because it was nice to have a real conversation about it with michelle last night, and i thought maybe some of you might be feeling it, too.
ok, on with my morning! :)
47 comments:
hehhe, we did it, wow.
Hiee jess, i love this post. It's so sincere and real. And thatz a really nice picture...i actually quite like it lots. :)
I'm sorry i don't have anything wise to say or give you any solution to how not to compare..coz i think thatz normal? I don't really compare nor do i use photoshop(coz i don't know how to use PS lol), i just admire and adore other creative artians (like you) artwork and creations. Maybe im not normal lol
I hope you fall out of that "mess" feeling soon..im loving your blog and your artwork!
Have a lovely merry happy day and lots of love to you and yours!
Oh I TOTALLY know what you're talking about. I've mentioned somethings to people in email lately. The perfection of momdom is also intimidating. I mean, I just am not, nor will I ever be that super mom. And it's not like they have to win clients, either, so what's it about?
But oddly, even though I try to let my imperfection hang out on view like old laundry, I STILL get people writing to me in awe about how they are amazed at how I can do it all. And I say again and again, I am not doing it all and I am a sucky housekeeper and I have no friends. And they STILL think I'm perfect.
Or if they don't, they don't seem to count my imperfection a strongly as THEIR imperfection. Mine must just be endearing. Their imperfections are the real ones.
I think that's the real issue here. About how we don't accept our rock star qualities and only see other's. And how we only see how we suck. So when we compare ourselves to others, we compare their rockstarness to our shlubiness.
For instance, to me, YOU'RE a rockstar.
I feel the same way whenever I'm cleaning up my kids' crumbs before I can take a photo, or when I notice that the ironing board has been set up for days in my small studio (AKA my kitchen), but then I wonder if anyone would care to see the failures, the projects that look horrid, and I go on sharing only the good stuff. The blog world is just not the real world, and sometimes I think I need to live in the real world a bit more...
love you, girl! well, stated. ;)
This is such an amazing post. I understand your feelings. I'm always comparing myself too and thinking well geez, how do they do it ALL and stay skinny and look beautiful?!?! With summer around I guess I have weight on my mind! But, yes...I think we all are a mess one way or another. I think blogs tend to be an escape, therefore people put good things (and not the negative) on there - thus giving this warped perspective of themselves. Like one time my sister said to me - you seem so happy and together on your blog...but...(yeah I'm NOT!). I'm still a mess, I cry in my cubicle, and there is wash all over my floor. So yeah...thanks for this...
Oh also...you are one of those people I think is so talented and together! You really are...so motiveted and a busy bee...keep up the great work.
you all are so GREAT. i knew there were going to be a couple people that were going to say something like "i look at you this way," because i get emails like that sometimes and just think "this person is nuts! i'm not together at ALL!" so to you folks who wonder how i do what i do: i'm probably looking at you wondering the same thing. :)
I've been catching that vibe too. There has been a meme going around flickr where you just sit down and take a picture of yourself, no primping allowed. All the times I've seen it, I'd been ready for the day, but after reading your post this morning I was compelled to take a similar picture. Hunched over at my laptop, zits out in full glory! Here it is on flickr.
Sometimes it is nice to escape to the perferct world portrayed online, but yes, it does get a bit overwhelming at times! Images like these help a lot I think.
oh jess, one of the reasons i've been a fan and followed you as i have, is because i find you authentic. i think it is somewhat human nature to compare ourselves at times with others, so don't beat yourself up about that...just remember to keep it in check. i've actually looked at you and thought, "wow, is she successful!" so see, you too are looked up to and admired for what you have accomplished.
i have always struggled with whether i should keep my blog strictly design related and never write about my life (real), and in the end, it just wouldn't be like me not to be honest and share myself with others.
just keep doing what you do, and sharing it with others. i appreciate your putting yourself out there in this post. it has started a great dialogue. have a wonderful day!
But the strange thing is that our imperfections actually make us better artists, don't ya think? If we all lived bright perfect lives, I think our art would be boring. Our character is shaped by trials, and is also shaped by little everyday imperfections, and I think all of this makes us so much better.
I say we should celebrate our moments of suckiness/downness/not-the-bestness!
i totally agree! it's stressing me out fromt ime to time as well.
Cute pic, Jess. For real. Def no right or wrong answer to what you've posed, that's for sure. I feel a similar ineptitude sometimes - and that's when I have to pull back from the www and re-organize my brain. I refuse to allow this electronic box to rob me of everything I've worked for b/c of what my peers are achieving (or appear to be achieving b/c I know looks can be deceiving - which seems to be part of the point). I appreciate your candor in putting it out there!!
I also think bloggers want to project a certain "withitness" in the event that clients are peeking in on that part of their lives. I censor and edit myself a lot b/c I don't want to offend a potential business client, esp if they want to associate my name with their business.
Terrific and well-put, Ms. Jess! High five to you for putting this up and yourself out there. Antiseptic is a good apt word. You've got my mind juices flowing about this — thanks!
Yup--it's a real conundrum when your blog is about your life but also a part of your "business persona." My main concern always has to do with mothering--I want to encourage and inspire, but I never want to create the impression that our family life is all sweetness and light b/c that's a lie and also truly damaging--it makes other mums feel like they suck, and it's AWFULLY hard to parent when you feel like you suck. I'm not sure what the answer is because I don't think anyone _really_ wants to read a blog with pictures of dirty laundry where I complain about my kid's bad attitude all the time. I'm really glad we're talking about it, though.
Jes - this is really awesome of you. It is SO nice to know other people think about these things... I feel like I'm a nut sometimes for worrying about them! I always find myself thinking so many other ladies online are much more creative/interesting/talented/lovely/etc, and then I end up over analyzing myself and situations, critizing myself, wanting more-better-faster... It can be draining! It is a constant struggle to remind myself to love the true me for who I am, but at the same time to be able to see the greatness in others and not be jealous or frustrated by it. Thank you for being honest and down to earth - it is comforting to know someone I admire might be in similar shoes as mine at times.
hi jess-what a great post this is (and timely too!). i'm trying to keep so many balls in the air right now and it is stressful but i find the community of mutual respect and support that i have found thru blogging helps counter all the madness in my family life right now....getting into the studio and getting feedback (and visiting other blogs) helps make the other stuff manageable for me. i often think about the fact that we all real people with real lives to juggle and am constantly impressed with the amount of productivity and creativity I see out here (i can't help it i'm a glass half full kinda gal...)
see ya!
you are not alone in these thoughts! it's overwhelming to me at times too, i think it goes in phases. all of the talent and perfection out there in the world! i just remind myself to keep doing what i'm doing and what makes me happy!
I've been thinking about authenticity a great deal lately. For me it's about being true to myself and not feeling the need to compete with other bloggers and artists.
I do like that I get to decide what I share and what I don't and I generally prefer to choose to showcase the stuff that makes my heart sing.
I just have to remind myself to keep it real and continue sharing what makes me quirky, unique, ordinary and extraordinary.
Thanks for posting this. It's hard not to compare, but I think it's so, so important that we don't. I love the food for thought.
Namasté,
Carmen
GREAT post! I have been feeling somewhat the same way after recently jumping into the blog world at the beginning of the year. My blog was part of a New Year's Resolution to help build my confidence about myself and my work, but lately I have been getting overwhelmed and frustrated. I read all of these fantastic blogs (yours included!) on a daily basis and cannot help but question what I am doing and if it is worth it, or even how I can to do it ALL. I know it is, I guess I have just been feeling a little off lately trying to keep up with everything!
You are fabulous and talented and don't you forget that!!!
THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS!! I've been pondering writing something similar for months but was never quite sure how to phrase what I was feeling. You summed it up well.
thanks again!
jess, i can totally relate to this right now. i have been feeling so blah and uninspired and self-conscious! that's part of the reason i haven't been blogging very much lately (plus i've been feeling like there just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything i need/want to do...)
reading other artists' blogs is supposed to make you feel inspired, but sometimes it just makes me feel like i can't keep up with the pack. i think we all feel this way every now and then, being isolated working from home, not getting the validation we need all the time, and constantly comparing ourselves to others.
thanks for being so real and reminding me that no one is perfect, but we are all fantastic just the way we are! this is the most inspiring blog post i've seen in a while, actually...
xoxo,
lesley
oh yeah ... TOTALLY ... i get to thinking ... "why bother" ... and then take a breath ... and add "that way, i've gotta do it MY way - just for ME"... my sister reminds me that it is "all about ME" ... in the best and broadest sense ... because every little link in the chain is important
p.s. here i am...
http://315thomas.blogspot.com/2009/03/this-is-me.html
you all are amazing!! thanks for all these brilliant comments. :)
Yep. Although my personal least favorite thing about myself as a blogger is lack of focus.
Thanks for the honest post.
I still think you guys are hott. Great post, maybe you guys will break the tension-we all feel that way!
I think we all feel a sense of insecurity at times- it's probably a little good for the soul. The fact that business is slow (for everyone!) is just supporting those ideas that we need to work harder, better, more perfectly... we must be doing "something wrong". But we're not. You're not. Just be you, my dear, because you're awesome- and you're doing your thing. How many people can say that? You're totally an inspiration for others- which is sort of a lot of pressure in and of itself. Try to enjoy the downtime- be creative- think about you (not others) and be true to yourself.
I truly believe that all of these introspections and that have been blogged about lately is the result of a greater collective force: we are all feeling it- all that energy around us has to have impact... it's a phase that I believe will make us stronger.
I love that you two really did this! But I must say that her pj's beat yours. And I agree with both of you. Coming from the currently unemployed, I totally feel like a mess right now but the fact that we keep trying as artists is what makes us so human, and so un-perfect.
I love this idea! I might just do this tomorrow!
http://animegirlie.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry090319-121820 I'm asking for more feedback as well - although I posted a pre-coffe un-photoshopped picture a day or two ago....
Jess, I love this post. It made me smile.
I think blogging makes me feel a little like I need to be uber buttoned up with each post. I'm putting myself out there, and I feel like things need to be "perfect" before I hit the submit button.
I need to let go of that. I also need to stop staring at the stats, seeing how I'm doing. If I'm doing what I love, then that should be enough :) thank you for reminding us of that.
OK, I'll post a picture of me later, in solidarity with what you've started here!
if i looked as cute as you in the morning i'd save a lot of $$ on makeup ;). i love your photo and the whole discussion you've started here, jess. i'm definitely an over-achiever in life and putting those pics up of our ugly stuff was totally out of character and impulsive. i try to make our blog 'perfect', but my values are love, knowledge and authenticity. i thought that without showing some ugly stuff i wasn't being authentic and maybe even sickening. sometimes, scott and i don't get a long and i've written about that in the past, too.
i am also one to compare myself to others in life (not just online) and wonder if that keeps me working harder? i'm not sure it's a good reason, though. when i look at the photos, the content doesn't make me cringe because i can deal with it. the quality of the photos makes me unhappy because i'm sure a more talented photographer could have made their ugly stuff look beautiful with lovely tones, lighting, etc. but, then i remember, i'm just learning and to 'try' not to compare myself to more experienced people who seem to be everywhere.
i guess while technology gets new, human nature doesn't - we're still our own worst critics and don't give ourselves credit for what we have accomplished. i'm kind of tired of it because it becomes a creative vampire and makes me sad when i read that you and others are not pursuing things because you think you might not measure up.
i do love the blogging community and wouldn't have even picked up a camera without the encouragement i've received through our blog & flickr. it is great because you can share these personal thoughts and have quite a few people totally relate and share their own photos. i think that out weighs all the pretty pictures and perceptions of perfection. we all know the truth, and besides, once we do achieve perfection what will we do then ;)? start the cycle all over again with something new?
you're totally awesome, so just keep going forward with your wonderful work.
sorry this is so long ...
wow, you all have seriously made my day. i need to think of ways to build some more community on my blog like this-- i love it. keep on rocking, because you are all incredible, even if you think you aren't!
Hey Jess, I appreciate so much your post and conversation you opened up. It is soooooo good to know that others struggle with this too and we can empathize with each other. It's always the unspoken monsters that get bigger and bigger in our heads and it's amazing how just bringing them out into the open they kinda shrink, and every time you talk about the "monster" honestly it shrinks more and more. Look what you started today,super cool and needed for so many of us:)
And also for someone who thinks I shouldn't share as much as I do about how I feel and too much info about my life on my own blog this post this is a reassurance that it's the best to just be myself warts, neurosis and all.( hee-hee)
Thanks Jessica and your an inspiration to me :)
Hi, Jess;
I was in bed, reading the print-out I have from your post of this morning, because I have been catching up with work and haven't had time to read much lately, and after I read it, I had to get out of bed and come here.
I haven't read the other comments so I hope I"m not just echoing stuff you've already read, but even if I am, the truth is, I compare myself to everyone I admire. and the truth is, right now, in the blog dept., and ipso facto, in the craft department, there are many people with different talents, to admire. And I'm relatively new, and because my plate is so full that I haven't advanced as quickly as I'd like, it makes me very often feel like an outsider, like I'll never catch up, like I'll never have that polish and that acumen and that sense of accomplishment that much younger people have. I compare my blog to other blogs, I compare my work to others of the same genre, and I am an impatient person, so I feel I want to be there NOW, and just be at peace about it all the time. I have accomplished a lot on my life without a degree, although not in the crafting/art arenas. And even knowing how many crafters out there have a degree and are following their path makes me feel like a clod sometimes. You are right, it doesn't mean you're not happy or that you are not having fun. It just sometimes can become a familiar refrain, this sense of not measuring up, or not looking as cool as the people you think rock. We are pretty polite and positive on our blogs for the most part, but sometimes the sense of our one, little self sitting alone and creating things because we love it, isn't always enough to fuel us at that moment, and we don't feel so right with our world. So these insecurities visit me once in awhile and I sometimes wonder if they will ever go away.
I think when I meet other artists and talk to them it has helped a lot, and when we really get it that we are all just limited humans with the same challenges, we begin to let go of a lot of comparisons. Anyway, Rock on. You make a difference in my process, and I'm enjoying you on Twitter, as well!
i LOVE this post! I feel exactly the same way and have stayed away from my blog because of it.
Happy weekend dear!
Great post, Jess, thank you! I agree with Cicada Studio's post, the economy has us all feeling like we're doing something wrong, we have to work faster, better, stronger. We have to keep putting out images of perfection because that's what people want and expect, right? You're so right, it's nice to see reality some times--and remember that every one else is struggling thru it, too.
this only deepens the crush I have for you.
i love that. and i look so so so bad in the morning that i don't think i'd ever be brave enough to post it. sometimes i go into the bathroom and look in the mirror and literally say out loud, "oh man!"
could you look any cuter with those glasses askew on your nose?
i'm visiting for the first time from cindy's blog. good for you to share the real you with the blog world! i think we all feel these same feelings of inadequacy at times. i can get really down on myself and my art at times after seeing what other artists are doing. but i just remind myself that i am on a creative journey; i am a work in progress. i've been thinking of making a personal revelation about myself on my blog. perhaps you've given me the nudge to do so. thanks for keeping it real.
i agree...
i'd love to write the nit and grit of my career, but i filter it out. i don't know why. i've had instances when i'd cry and call people out. i also work in fashion, so everyone around me talks about LV, marc jacobs, chloe, etc. and while i love these designers, it burns me out being around this conversation all the time. i love to shop at thrift stores. so there. i also don't do fancy weddings, diamond rings and dresses. i like comic books, steam punk, hard core hip hop and nine inch nails. it doesn't show in my professional work or in my blog, though sometimes i wish i could. it's more like, i wish i could represent myself better more. i could start another blog, but as you know, i've got projects coming out of my behind :P
it's all good, girl. you're the real deal :)
I agree with you--what we present on the web is just what we want to present. We can make it look any way we like. We can edit our words, and our photos, we can leave clues and drop hints and imply all sorts of illusions. Why do you think so many of us do it?? ha!
Thanks for posting about the real you!
You look good w/o makeup! Um, after having children I always wake up with huge under eye circles! LOL :)
Love your keepin' it real post.
tina
oh Jess I totally get this. I think I've been posting less lately b/c of it. Because I feel like no matter what, it's all a desperate attempt to be as good as all the other design/art blogs out there that I admire so much. I don't know how this happened either, because when I started I did it for myself. I enjoyed blogging and didn't care so much how I came off to anyone else. Now I feel like I have to make an image for myself and consistently live up to it. It's hard! I was really sad when I got a message on Flickr asking if I'd like to do a home tour on Ofifteen and I had to respond that I was really flattered but I live with 2 guys and a dog and my house definitely looks like it. And then I was excited that they asked me to guest blog instead, but ever since I've been really scared that I won't come up with anything good to post about next week! I often wonder how so many of these women manage to keep it all together and look so good doing it. I don't even have kids and I'm still a crazy mess most of the time. Anyway, just know you're not alone in this feeling.
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